It’s January 3rd already. Isn’t it funny how we work ourselves over in our minds about “starts”, or at least I do. If I don’t start on the first, I will have to wait a whole month. Somehow we lie to ourselves and say that starting has to happen at the “beginning”. Really it’s the opposite, beginning happens when we start. The New Year is always a place where people start, it’s a natural and rhythmic reset because the calendar begins again, starts new, things feel fresh.
For me, I had all these hopes of having so much organized and done to start the year with a clean slate. But let’s be real… I am homeschooling three children and have had one of the busiest holiday seasons to date. We went to Disneyland in November, my son had just finished soccer and my youngest daughter was entering tech week for the play she was in. We had 4 shows the first weekend of December, not to mention that I also decided to try making and selling handmade pillows at a Christmas boutique that same weekend. I was sewing and prepping for all that on top of my usual duties as mom, wife and teacher. Then, the play and boutique were done but we rolled right into Christmas. We traveled, visited family, went to Disneyland (again), shopped, wrapped, volunteered and even hosted Christmas Eve and made dinner. We then went away to our family cabin to ring in the New Year.
It was so fun, every last, busy minute of it! But I realized that I didn’t have the balance in those weeks that I crave, the balance that I need. It revealed a lot to me about myself and made me feel anxious for a reset. But busyness, even fun busyness, doesn’t afford a lot of time to reset. So I find myself now on this space of limbo. I can see the progress I’ve made but it doesn’t look like the neat fresh restart I was hoping for when the clock hit midnight and the year was officially new. But it was in this place that I realized that any progress I make each day is better than giving up. I can look around me and see the untidy bits of Christmas still holding on. The bare shelves and sofa tables where Christmas decorations were and are now gone. It isn’t perfect or finished but I can see it… I can see pieces of rest, order and peace poking through.
Our church does a corporate fast every January for 21 days. This year we are starting the whole 30 today as our fast. We didn’t start on the first like I originally planned but here we are starting… beginning. I am looking forward to taking the next 30 days not only to reset my relationship with food, but my relationship with life. I am looking forward to a time of dwelling in the presence of God and looking to Him for my goals this year. I can already see though in the little bits of my home, my year taking shape, and my mind beginning to clear. It’s gonna be a good year and I’m going to enjoy it one day at a time. I hope you all enjoy a new start whenever it begins.